- TikTok creator Valerie Adams (@thevalerieadams) outlined three behaviors she says may signal that a man is not seeking a long-term relationship.
- Her February 15 video received about 29,700 likes, 4,396 saves, 88 comments and 485 shares at the time of publication.
- Some viewers agreed with Adams, while others argued that taking things slowly and avoiding territorial behavior can be healthy in early dating.
Valerie Adams shares three dating red flags
TikTok creator Valerie Adams, who posts as @thevalerieadams, used a February 15 video to list three things she says a man who wants a relationship would “never do in the early stages of dating.” The video attracted about 29,700 likes, 4,396 saves, 88 comments and 485 shares at the time of publication.
Adams introduced the list by suggesting that these behaviors could indicate a lack of long-term intentions. She previewed the final point by telling viewers, “He’s probably not looking for something long term, especially if he’s done number three.”
Her first concern: discussing other women
The first behavior Adams identified was a man discussing other women while dating someone. She said, “He’s not going to use his precious time with you to talk about other women. He doesn’t want you to think, gosh, there’s so many other women in the picture. I must have competition.”
Adams then questioned whether discussing other women showed a lack of focus, saying, “he sees it as unhelpful if he were to be talking about other women.” Her point prompted at least one viewer to describe hearing about a partner’s former relationships as exhausting. One commenter wrote, “All he does is talk about his exs… im [sic] sick and tired of hearing about them…”
Her second concern: asking to slow down
Adams’ second item involved a man asking to slow the pace of a relationship or take a step back. The creator said, “he is not going to ask you to slow down or let’s take a step back.” She added that, “he knows that momentum is very valuable in the early stages of dating.”
Adams described the behavior she believes a man seeking a committed relationship should show: “He wants to be moving things forward with you.” She also told viewers, “It just isn’t smart if he wants something long term with you.”
Adams says consistent effort is important
Adams presented her third point as the most important red flag. She claimed that a man who wants to date someone will not put himself in a position “for another man to swoop in.” She linked that argument to confidence and perceived priority, explaining, “When you hold that energy and see yourself that way, other men pick up on that.”
According to Adams, the man’s reaction should be, “Wait, I need to be top of mind.” She continued, “He’s reaching out to you regularly,” and added, “Communication is pretty standard. And most importantly, he’s following through with making solid plans in advance with you.”
Adams concluded her advice by telling viewers, “You have too much value to offer to let yourself get caught up in this.” She had also advised, “Do not settle for a man who does these things and confuses you.” One viewer responded, “I am ready for a meaningful connection with the right man,” before adding, “I’m single, but my standards are not.”
Viewers debate Adams’ relationship advice
Although some commenters supported Adams’ standards, others disputed her final two points. One viewer wrote, “I’m sorry but [the final two items] are not true at all, I actually think they’re healthy,” and continued, “Healthy men will let things unfold naturally and take their time.” The commenter also argued, “[…] they definitely shouldn’t be territorial in the early days.”
In the video’s TikTok caption, Adams said that a man who had done any of the listed behaviors “may not be looking for the level of committed, healthy relationship that you want.” She encouraged viewers not to settle for behavior that makes them question whether they are a priority and directed them to resources linked through her page.
Why This Matters
The discussion reflects a broader debate over how people interpret communication, commitment and pacing during early dating. Adams frames regular contact, advance planning and forward movement as signs of serious interest. Some commenters, however, view taking time and avoiding possessiveness as healthier approaches, showing that the same dating behaviors can be interpreted differently.
The Daily Dot was unable to independently verify the claims described in the TikTok. The details reflect @thevalerieadams’ account as shared on TikTok. Adams’ identity and credentials, along with those of the commenters, have not been confirmed.
Frequently Asked Questions
What three behaviors did Valerie Adams identify?
Adams discussed talking about other women, asking to slow down or take a step back, and failing to maintain enough effort or priority to prevent another man from “swoop[ing] in.”
How did viewers respond to the TikTok?
Some viewers agreed with Adams and discussed their own experiences, while others said that moving slowly and avoiding territorial behavior can be healthy in the early stages of dating.
Were Adams’ claims independently verified?
No. The Daily Dot said it could not independently verify the claims in the TikTok, and noted that Adams’ identity and credentials, as well as those of the commenters, had not been confirmed.